Walls

Walls

My room does not have

four walls:

curving and caving,

I trace hollows over the paint,

bumping over the bodies

of insects brushed clean

in Victorian Pewter gray.

I have counted seven walls

in my room:

bumping and falling,

curving and caving

with the hollows

of bugs and the hollows

of whispers and the shadow

of one person in a bed

made for two.

A little bit about the author:

Emily Uduwana (she/her) is a poet and graduate student based in Southern California. Her most recent work has appeared in issues of Stone of Madness Press, Rogue Agent Journal, and perhappened mag.

Find more from Emily:

A Diary of Isolation

A little bit about the author:

Amy is a Master’s graduate in Social Anthropology at Edinburgh but has recently returned to her humble hometown in South London. She originally studied Archaeology but eventually decided to pursue a vocation that involved more time inside. Despite this, she still misses the dead things and pretending to be Indiana Jones. She is a writer and poet and is currently working as an editor for a publishing house. She has previously tried her hand working at museums, galleries and filmmaking. She loves to travel and generally finds herself in a youth hostel somewhere in the world at some point during the year. She has a blog in which she displays her poetry and writes articles about everything from the history of art therapy to tips to have a more sustainable period.

Find more from Amy:

https://mybestzine.bigcartel.com/

Being an artist means to me that everyday is a poem.

  • Name: Amy Spaughton
  • Occupation: Editor
  • University degree: Social Anthropology
  • Favourite artist: At the moment? The Singh Twins.
  • Favourite colour: Blue
  • Favourite sound: The scrape of pencil on paper and the hush of heavy rain.

Being an artist means to me that everyday is a poem. I was in the gift shop of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery in Edinburgh, with around a month to go until the end of the decade and no idea what I was going to do with it. I had returned to the city I had grown to love (triumphantly or otherwise) to graduate from the Master’s course I had dedicated the last year of my life to. After only two months of being thrown back to my parent’s house in London, when I had almost gotten over missing the city I had grown in and was just starting to reacquaint myself with the city I had grown up in, I was back. Back with all the wonderful friends and classmates seemingly from every corner of the globe and back in the city where I had first felt truly solo. I had come back to the dream just long enough to remember everything I missed and the vast and scary nothing I had planned. On my final day in the city, after spending the morning absorbing the splendour of the artistic achievements of others, I found myself (as I often do) in the gift shop staring wistfully at a display of hardback, foiled notebooks each adorned with a great artistic masterpiece. I had always written and felt sure that I always would but had never really felt confident enough to declare (or even whisper to myself) that I was a writer. I had often kept a notebook for my writing but took a fairly haphazard approach up until this point. I would mostly open them to a random page each time a notion came to me and would never reference any specific events. Those more organisationally inclined are probably screaming, I know. Seeing this pristine notebook of perfect pocket size, an idea came to me. Or more like a kind of strange self-oath, really. I decided that for the year 2020, I would write a page in one of these tempting notebooks for every day of the year. A page or something, of anything and of everything that entered my mind that annum. I brought the beautiful notebook you see below and waited in slightly fearful anticipation until January 1st to start my adventure. On the first page under Contact I wrote: “Every day is a poem” and set out to make it true. Now, five months later, I am out of pages (I spent way too long agonising over a second volume) and I have the opportunity to reflect on everything I have learnt so far from the practice.

Part of the process involves accepting that not every day will be a heart-wrenching, raw, resonating poem or a Sophocles-eat-your-heart-out philosophical realisation about the world. Some days will be purely reactionary feelings that fade as soon as you release them onto the page (these are still interesting to look back on). Some days will just be about how incredibly bored you are or how you feel completely dry of absolutely any creative thoughts. When lockdown began, I was sure that with little outside stimuli I would have nothing to say. It seemed impossible to me that anything could live in this vacuum I had found myself in. But, surprisingly, the well just got deeper (and stranger). Being inside meant that I had access to my notebook almost 24/7 and could suck up all those little ideas that previously would have been carried away by all the distractions of the outside world. I had also failed to notice that lockdown itself was a once in a generation stimulus in of itself.

I also discovered that page size dictates the length of your piece sort of like a timer. (Although it is important to know when the thought deserves two or even more pages) Aiming to fill at least one page per thought forces you to expand the idea past the first sentence while giving you a manageable endpoint. When you write every day with no specific purpose or project, all sense of decorum, consistent tone, style or message goes out the window. It breaks down a few of the constricting rules you decided long ago were essential (or were told by overzealous English teachers). One day I would sound like I was spinning an Arthurian yarn or corresponding with a relative in a period drama, the next would be a choppy, angry rant, the next a song soothing myself like an odd lullaby. (Some days I swear would not look out of place scratched onto the walls of an asylum. See: When I shut my eyes my veins are packed with purple broccoli and my eyelids smell like pears. I promise I am not writing to you from a padded room.) Some pages are so particular to our time that I barely need to check the date to know when they were written. For example: I am trapped in this pastel checked cage of soft, impenetrable fabric. I am only efficiency now. Only good time management for an unclear goal.

The practice also led to some interesting insights into the process of writing itself. For example, on day I wrote: I think, to write, to be inspired, you must, without directly looking at the thing itself, consume all you can by kicking up a storm, a personal tornado of dust with yourself at the centre and hope you breathe some or all of it in the right way and mix it with yourself and all the things you did not mean to kick up and all the things you did not want to consume and hope you can spit out sounds and shapes recognisable to someone and hope you can spit it on paper for posterity.

Capturing and expanding almost every thought that would normally go ungrown can also create some interesting ideas on key concepts in life. Having the excuse of the practice gives you a reason to waste time in a daydream you may normally dismiss and the act of committing it to paper allows you to develop it in private. For instance, one day I thought: Certain deaths bookmark life with an insufficient stone slab. This led me to think of what it means for death to be a bookmark and I concluded that It’s weight bends life towards it on both sides and distorts that pages and the words on them away from their original meanings. I thought on this throughout the day and then added that Some bookmarks are graceful ribbons always attached to the book and so always expected to be used when you finally pause for breath and they let go. Others fall from the sky and force the book closed for a while with their weight and finality. 

Looking back on what you have written (with a little distance is best) is also an interesting part of the process. Once you are no longer in the moment you are writing from, the words have an element of foreignness to them and you generally gain a new perspective on the thought you expressed. (Or occasionally you wonder what on earth you were talking about. See: Sometimes I wish I could pour a small number of pencil leads in my eyes, to hear that coppery tingle in its true form. I have no idea.)

At the start of the practise, I was worried that I would write nothing else. I had this fallacy in my mind that (and I think I may not be alone in this) my creativity for the day was finite. In truth, I found how much I wrote was directly proportional to how much I allowed myself to write, what amount of time I dedicated to it and how much I committed. (I ended up collecting together the pages I felt fit a theme such as isolation, the body and writing which you can check out here: https://dlohere.wordpress.com/)The idea I worried would stress me out or make writing feel like a chore, that seemed so daunting on January 1st has become an outlet, a crude form of therapy, a treadmill for my creative muscles and a bright, in-your-face sign telling me that the well will not run dry and that whatever happens you are and always will be a writer. Making every day a poem is a process that I believe can benefit anyone- creative or otherwise- and that can teach you a great deal about how you see the world. That is my challenge to you, dear reader, to go forth and let me know what you discover.

An Introduction To Queer Art


Hello! So, I thought I would use this first blog post to introduce myself and this column properly before I fill this little bit of the blog with art, poetry, and other gay stuff!
So, first things first, my name is Cerri (Seh-Ree), I am a 22 year old Queer writer, poet, and artist – or at least, I like to think I am!


I graduated July 2019 with a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing from (you guessed it) the University of Brighton! Since then my creativity has consisted of making art and writing poems about everything from #self- love, to gender identity, to politics, to sex, and a bunch of other topics (most of which you can find over on my IG). I like to think my work is quite diverse however, I think it’s also quite easy to see that my identity as a queer person always manages to squeeze its way into all my work in some way. Even managing to wriggle it’s way into this zine when I asked if my column could be all about Queerness in Art. Plus, another – slightly more conceptual – theme that I have found in my work is the use of colour purple in my work (and a lot of other parts of my life!). The course of borderline obsession with purple is hard to pin down, because there are so many things that
have contributed to it! I’ll keep it brief for you and say that the two main causes for this are: my birthstone being Amethyst – I know, I’m one of those people! And the second reason being my gender identity, flickering between masculine one day and femme the next, to me, is best represented for me by equating it to red + blue = purple.


Gender is a personal subject for every body, and for me, thinking about it in this way just helps me process all the feelings that come with it, and has massively influenced how I condense these feelings into my art and poetry.


Although some people may get tired of reading poems and looking at art that all have such similar messages and themes, I feel that (and this may be a little bit of a heavy topic) in today’s world of social and political turmoil, a person being unapologetically themselves in the face of so many trying to stop you from doing exactly that is one of the most powerful forms of political rebellion! And that’s what I – try – to do in my own art and writing!


That idea continues with this column, which I will tell you about now, because I feel like I have told you enough about myself
So! Welcome to Queer Art!

This column will – try to – cover all the aspects of Queerness in art, from the sexy, the sad, the fun, and the political! I’ve got some ideas for where I think I want this column to go, and I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I think you will!
I’ll be talking about Queer creativity in Quarantine with some of my art to go along with it, and the Act of Queering art itself (I would try and give a brief rundown of what that means but I think that topic needs a whole article to make it clear!) as well as some other interesting Queer topics!
Some pieces may be more personal, some may be a little more ‘think- piecey’, all depending on the topic of the piece! But, more than anything, I want to have fun with it, and for you to have fun reading it!


So, please feel free to leave any comments, either below or by DMing me on IG, letting me know what you liked about a post, or what you’d love to see me talk about next week, or if you want to have a chat about a subject!


Anyway, that’s for reading, I hope you liked it!